???

Hmmm. Well - I'm not sure where to go from here. I haven't posted in a while because I've been writing at a few other places, thinking about going back to school, and moving.

I have not been dancing. I haven't been dancing, and I feel like a traitor, and a little bit not like myself, and like maybe I should change the name or domain of this blog or something. Like maybe I'm being dishonest if I continue to post here.

Also, I stopped dancing for mainly one reason. My relationship. I danced a few shifts at a nude club and it almost tore it apart. Apparently it's the pussy - as usual - that sends everything into an uproar.

I could go on now about how I blame my relationship for shit that's happening in my life, how I probably was sick of dancing anyway, how I might only have made it a few more shifts before I once again remembered how mind-numbingly boring it is to sit and have the same fucking conversation over and over again, all while scheming the lap-dance close with the 90% of your brain that you're not using to make small talk. Or how tired I am of the outlandish and absurd amount of competition and jealousy spawned in the petri dish of club life, carried over to regular life, all because once the novelty has worn off, there's just nothing else to think about besides money, and who's making more of it.

So, yeah. Maybe there was some other shit that didn't have to do with him, and again, per usual, I'm dropping the blame in the wrong place. But the fighting and near-break up, to be fair, didn't make it any easier to see where blame should appropriately fall.

Also, by the way, this is like the third post that I've tentatively titled using only question marks.

What does it all mean??