Why is it so hard to stop?

I found a new place. Driving home from it, I realized...

I am done.

And at the same time, I'm so, so not done. I'm on the schedule for tonight, because of course I had to give them my next shift, and so I'm back to where I've been so many times before: avoidance via reality TV. Hoping the clock never turns to 7 p.m. so I don't have to make a decision. Still in my pajamas, waiting for a phone call that asks me where I am, and hoping that I haven't made some horrible mistake that can't be undone - or that will mean I have to go back, audition again, and again decide that I'm over it.